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Mar. 14th, 2008


(no subject)

Edward, it has been brought to my attention by certain family members that you have been somewhat frustrated lately. Forgive me if I'm wrong but I feel this frustration may stem from something sexual, or lack there of.

Now I'm sorry to be having to do this, but since you're too proud to talk to me privately, I have to put this here and hope you'll see it. I hope it can be useful to you (And Bella) 

As a Doctor, it is my obligation to educate the youth of Forks on sex education. Please remember Edward, this is the 21st century and everyone's doing it. You don't have to be the odd man out all the time. Beside's, Bella has been extra whiney lately. If you don't do something soon she may look elsewhere. And I know, I know, the first video says beastiality is ok, but it's not. Ever. Don't send her to such desperations that she commits this crime.

I would like to add, that the above video is somewhat misleading and outdated in the fact that: Masturabtion isn't a bad thing. Infact, it is quite natural to get handy with yourself. It may help ease tensions somewhat if you don't want to go full way. Take a paddle, if you're not going to swin, so-to-speak.

And this video may also help you learn something too. There's honestly nothing wrong with sex before marriage, son. As the saying goes, test drive the car before you buy it. 
Now I've pulled a few strings at the hospital and got you a place on their 'Teens & Sex' course, there's a place for Bella too if she wishes to take it.

I've also spoken to Emmett and he has offered to give you as much advice as you need. Out of everyone he's most likely experienced in more areas than myself.

So that's all I have to say. I hope this was helpful to you. 

Don't thank me, it was all in a day work. :D

Mar. 13th, 2008



Ladies come ladies go...

out my revolving door, some of them never come back most come back for more.

Oy, if I wasn't dead I swear my wrists would hurt, than heavens for Esme finding me while she was spring cleaning, I'll admitt , your motherly figure finding you with a rubber ducky gagging you, and wearing nothing but a garter and pink pumps, tied to a bed isn't the best of situations, BUT SHE LET ME FREE! And then lectured Rose, Rose won't tell me what she said, she just frumps and says we are no fun. *shrugs*

Eddie conned us all into an emo band, I like playing base but, I mean, I just wanted to sing I FEEL PRETTY, juste ONCE, but NOOOOOO, no one ever listens to me *pouts* JUST ONCE! COME ON GUYS!!! It's not like I wanna do YMCA....Macho Man would be nice. *sigh* Ah well.

Bachelor party is still a go, even though Esme and Eddie disapprove, ( Eddie is giving in I can tell, specially since Bella volunteered to strip, can't say Im not excited bout THAT, been a while since I've seen LIVING tits.....Rose banned all strip clubs :/)

Uh oh, Jasper is on a keyboard rampage, I better go.



Mar. 14th, 2008

heart - in coffee



Edward can have his band, I will not, I repeat, not have anything to do with that song. Alice is on my side, that two down Eddie, your buggered. I refuse to even play guitar to your angst song and steal penis, what would Bella say? tut tut.

Mar. 11th, 2008



Scratches all down my back.....

WOW, been a crazy , CRAZY few days, I knew it was a bad idea to take Rose with me to the adult shop ( we've been getting things for the ambush bachelor party, it's gonna be sooo good) she got some fuzzy hand cuffs and refused to show me how the release worked, Ive been tied up for three days, tied and up and USED......I think I like it.

Anyway I'm free now, and I think whatever higher being that my skin is tougher than it looks, my babies got some crazy hoochy press on nails on her, and between you and me my dear flist, she might act all posh in public, but in the bedroom........I actually have a song to explain this, let me sing you a few bars:

Hey! You’re a crazy bitch,
but you fuck so good I'm on top of it.
When I dream I'm doing you all night,
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on.

UH OH! Here she comes, I better hide get back in the room before she pulls out the whip she bought. If you don't hear from me for a few days, PLEASE PLEASE come break me out.


Mar. 8th, 2008

SOTL: Quid pro quo


(no subject)

Alice has gone out of town for the weekend. Apparently there's some big sale in Seattle or something, so she should be back Sunday. I'm missing her already though - I have Esme to talk to, so I'm not totally abandoned with the guys, but Alice's abilities are gone now, and without them, there's no telling what these boys are planning to do to each other next. I shudder at the thought.! Sooo, I'm stuck home in this mad house. Honestly, I'm not sure what's happened just lately. (Though I think Jasper and his emotional influences are to blame for a lot of the craziness)

My Emmy Bear is still mad with me. Just because I said I was a prettier Princess :( I didn't think he'd mind, I mean when we are alone he does tell me that I'm most beautiful, but as soon as I declare to the world, via LJ, that I'm am the prettier one in this relationship, he snapped. Usually I like his anger, I always use it to my advantage ;) But last night there was just no calming him down. I'm not sure if he's still mad either, he's been too busy with Jasper all day *pouts* That said, I've heard parts of their plans and seen some of the sites they've been viewing and I must say, this party they're planning for our little prudish brother should be good. I might be able to spare him a few more hours if this is how he's usuing the time. I can't wait to see it all! Who would've thought there were so many varieties of condoms!

So anyway, baby, if you happen to read this in the middle of searching Victoria's secret's for more party favors...come upstairs and I can show you what I purchased there last week ;) I got you a present too:

heart - in coffee


Any excuse for a party

Kinda quiet today.. sorta. Had a good night with Ally, oh the fun, but *ahem* don't expect ME to give you details.

Though there was something interesting about yesterday arvo, Carlisle seems to have quite a fan in a girl from here. A dancer. Got some rather strange emotions comming off him since he was chatting with her, nothing Esme needs to worry about... but still, it was strange.

I have to give the girl credit though, she did suggest a bachelor party for dear ol' Eddie! Maybe we could DRAG him ey Emmett? Wonder if he'd appreciate blow up condom balloons...

Mar. 7th, 2008


(no subject)

Welcome to our lolz community, watchers! We are honored you are here, feel free to comment anytime you like. We'd love to chat.

Disclaimer: This journal is intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not claim to be, nor are we, Stephenie Meyer or any of the Cullen family ;) Anything said here is done so for the entertainment of posters and watchers alike and does not reflect the characters story/personality/views in the book or the Actros who portray them in the film.


Mar. 6th, 2008


(no subject)

Well it happened! They got me on Myface and Spacebook, and now they've made me get a Life Journal. What next?

I tell you, it's bad enough hearing what they do to each other through the walls of the house (Note to self: new sound insulation) and now I'm given the privilege of reading what is basically their diary? this could be fun...or traumatizing. Right now I'm going with the latter.

Reading about and then seeing evidence of my Son prancing around in lace is probably one of the scariest images I've seen in my long life, and I'm a Dr. I've seen a lot. That aside, I do now sympathize with Edward's pain. That poor boy must see all this played out in his head everyday. Hearing their every thought has got to be much worse than reading a select few they decide to share with the world. 

With that said though, all this sexual talk going around, all the thoughts running through minds...he must be picking up on something. There's being careful and there's being a prude. Bella has been uptight as of late, and I'm pretty sure it's what we in the medical field would call, sexual tension, and I'm sure we all know the cure for that. So my son, if you read this: Do us all a favour and just give her something, before she combusts!



Sexually Frustrated in Forks....

Actually I kinda feel like getting rid of my frustration WITH a fork, a bottle, ANYTHING. Dammit Edward how can you stand sleeping in the same bed with me every night without doing anything! Am I REALLY that repulsive? I mean kisses are nice and all way better if youd at least give me some tounge to work with but , were you ever human? Do you remember being horny at ALL? Not even a finger to work with hiere, I'd seriously settle for some fingers. He's picking out underwear, I don't see why he's going to the trouble, I never get past taking off his shirt. I think I'll go watch youporn on the web and cry cause everyone else has seriously at this point had more sex than me.

I swear one day I'll get so desperate I'll tunr into Jakes sex buddy, even if he IS sixteen and probably has no idea what to do with what he's packing in the first place.
Benjamin Button:  Captin Artist


Stupid Flamboyant Vampires

Okay so I was just having fun before. Now that stupid princess teddy bear has gone too far. He snapped my heels and I will MAKE him pay! I haven't quite figured out what could be the worst possible thing to happen to him but it can't be too long before the opportunity presents itself, Emmett's does the weirdest things sometimes.

I also had to go shopping AGAIN because I had a vision of Jasper trying on some of my undergarments and, let's face it, he isn't exactly a small person. My poor babydoll nightgown gets ripped to shreds before it gets passed his shoulders! Sometimes it's hard to be a fashionista in a house full of cross-dressing straight vampires who are at least a foot taller then me. Okay maybe not a house full...it's really only Emmett and sometimes Jasper gets caught up in the emotions and can't resist a quick skimp in my undies. Thank GOD Edward is totally a prude and probably can't look at lace without getting all virtuous and feeling the need to lecture Bella. Carlisle and Esme tend to stay far away from my clothes. Rose...well Rosalie's taste is what I like to call...trashy lacking in taste so she stays out of my closet too.

So anyway. I stopped in a Fredericks of Hollywood and picked up a few things to replace what would be damaged, then I found this cute little men's boutique and picked up a few banana slings for Jasper and Emmett, I'm hoping it'll keep them out of my drawers for a bit.

Oh! And I got Bella this blue little negligee. I already saw that Edward will shut her down even in that, but it's fun to help Bella test his boundaries. Like I already said I'm concerned about Bella's mental health if she doesn't get to at least second base soon. Edward...well he's already weird. Maybe if he gets rid of some of that sexual tension he won't be so darn edgy!

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