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kisuvampyr in cullen_diaries

Cause I just wanna be famous.....

Be so fuckng jaded. Cause all the playboy bunnies take my money from me


OH HAI! I'm Emmett Cullen, you may remember me from such stalker missions as OMG SEXY VAMPIRES GET THEM! And I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN SIT OUT HERE AND WAIT FOR PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW!


It's funny to me really, the whole family is going crazy over the stalkertazi, I LOVE it, I'll even pose if they ask me, I mean come on guys, no publicity is bad publicity and we got it goin on!!!!

Course I cant go outside in my tutu anymore, it would crush some of my fans hearts.....wich is a bummer cause I love the tutu.

But dude....chicks.......how awesome is that.

Now if only the stalkers would get younger. INTERNET BABES! YOUNG ONES! IM OUT HERE! COME GET ME! FO SHIZZLE!

and now I'll go hide from Rose.

YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME!

XoXo

Comments

Y'know, Emmett, I met this woman in the parking lot the other day.

Photobucket

She wanted me to pass on a message:

"HAI BAYBEE U SO SEXI PLZ SEX ME NAO!!!!111 KK, I'LL MEET U IN DA BINGO HALL!"
Hey! She's about my age! Then again, you sure you don't want her? I know how you are into younger babes and all ;) Ya know, test drive before getting serious with teh Bellz and all. Bet she could teach you some tricks.

Edited at 2008-03-23 08:31 pm (UTC)
Don't worry Emmett I got you covered in the tutu department. I'll start wearing them over my jeans so that I can give it to you to slip into in the bathroom at school. That way you aren't missing out entirely.

Oh yeah and the reason we are freaking out over this is not only because we don't want the Volturi up in our business, but we are worried about the mental state of the world. It's bad enough that you and Rosalie subject us to witnessing the aftermath of your sex life. I shudder to think what you'd do to the world with pictures of the two of you actually doing the deed in whatever kinky way you do it.
Awww, Rubber ducky gags arn't THAT scary, and I stopped using the gimp mask YEARS ago.

It's realy more art house film than hard core porn, I promise. No matter WHAT it sounds like .

Plus, who DOESN't want to see my bare ass.

Edited at 2008-03-23 08:31 pm (UTC)
Um...I don't.
Sure you do, I even bet you fantasize about it. Is that why you are settling for Bella? Cause you can't have me? AWWW come here let me give you some brotherly love!!!!


*runs off to chase Eddie*

Edited at 2008-03-23 08:45 pm (UTC)
*runs away in fear*

ESME! HELP!
*Holds Eddie*

Emmett! You put that away right now, what did I tell you bout running around flashing people, I did NOT raise an attention whore. Now put your pants on before I Call Rose in here and get HER to punish you.
Don't worry, I'll punish him good and proper just the way he loves it Get that fine ass over here, bear Boy!
Oh great. That is NOT what I meant.

Why don't you two go take a cold shower, SEPERATLY, it's bad enough you never come out of your room.

Bella , sweetheart, come here, I'll get you and Eddie some tea, don't mind these Perverts.

Alice, please be a love and start the tea pot.
0.0

*blinks*

What am I marrying into?
Oh God stop guys you're scaring off Bella! If this wedding doesn't happen there will be HELL to pay as well as a florist that will keep our deposit!!!!!
0.0

f-f-f-florist? w-w-wedding? W,w ,w why are Emmetts pants off? And is that s-s-sparkling normal?

*stares*

Is it cancer?
*pouts and puts his pants back on*

You guys are no fun. I just wanted him to touch it! Not like his isn't the same.

Sweetie you better get used to that, we sparkle in the sun...every part of us. Don't worry it can actually be really pretty.

And don't start with the flipping out about wedding stuff! I've already paid all the deposits. You may as well be married now. This day will happen come hell or high water, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!
For once we agree on something.
NO ONE wants to see Emmett's ass.
Mine on the other hand...Bella scratches mine.

And you vamps better stay away from jacobs_journal. Hot internet babes only allowed to post.
So that's why you were wearing that weird skirt/pant combo! I knew you, of all people, wouldn't make that fashion faux pas.

Me and Emmy bear aren't half as crazy, sexually, as you guys seem to think. Gags and chains is as kinky as we get.
And grizzlies. Don't forget about the grizzly blood. You guys seriously think I don't see that much but I do. Gags, chains, whips, handcuffs, safe words. I think I can take too much more of it if you guys keep that insane stuff up.
And now your trying to provoke them?! Will this never end. Okay, thats it, if no one needs me, Im going hunting this weekend. (Even if its to stop me from chowing down on the next person who flashing a camera anywhere near me or my wife)

Im sure I can find a grizzly bear alone thanks to Emmett having other pursuits at the moments *rolls eyes*
Aww Jazz I'll tag along for a day or two. You, me, tree sex in the forest? I see that a nice break from the the freaks that live in our house humans will definitely calm your nerves.
Family Portrait!

February 2009

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