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Feb. 17th, 2009

Celebs: Elton John ZOMGZ


(no subject)


I think we need to talk.

Sep. 24th, 2008

Celebs: Britney Spears sparkles


(no subject)

So, I totally got caught making out with Jake this weekend. I swear, dad looked like he was going to explode and mom looked like she wanted something to break. I mean.. it's just crap they they walked into my room without knockig anyway. GAWD. Like, um, privacy? It's like, um, a law or sth. Besides, I'm almost 8.. I'm like.. practically an adult! SHEEEEESH.

Anyways, i'm like, grounded from him for like, a month. Which like, sucks. Also, if I do go out with friends or anything, i have to touch their cheeks when I get back! WHAT THE HELL MOM AND DAD!? YOU ARE SOOOO UNFAIR AND IT'S RUINING MY LIFE.

On a lighter note.. I'm going to stay with Grampa and Gramma Cullen this weekend. Maybe they will let me see Jake...

OMG! DID ANYONE SEE THE JONAS BROTHERS ON THE VMAS?! omg omgomgomg!!! *squeeeeeee* Jacob gets sooooo jealous of the main one.. who was Shane in camp rock (omg awesome movie) I'm like.. inlove!

Omg! speaking of JoBros.. how bratty in Miley C? Like, whatever, girl. Get over yourself. Pssshh.


I'm totes off to watch the Jobros on youtube.

Aug. 12th, 2008


(no subject)

It's been a while since I checked in on the world of livejournal. I'm sure you're all aware that life has been a little chaotic lately.

It's ironic that my last post was about sex education, yet, the most basic of safety techniques was not covered. This was ignorance on my part. Who would've thought something so old could still work so ...well? I sure as hell didn't, but I've once again been proven wrong. I'm not used to this feeling; an all knowing being like myself is not wrong much, if ever.

Edward, how dare you make me look so foolish?

I just wish I'd shown you this sooner:

Not that I don't love the surprise your negligence brought us...

With that said; I know I'm technically old, but someone as young and ridiculously hot looking as myself should not be referred to as 'Gramps'.

P.S: I know you love birds have a lot to prove, but Emmett and Rose never disrespected the hood of my Mercedes in such a way. I would appreciate it if you kept your sexcapades out of my garage.

Apr. 6th, 2008



Mah Goodies


I look HOT in a thong? I look fucking AMAZING in a thong! And you know it!!!
I think I'm keeping your stereo just for that, least till you admitt I look more than HOT in a thong.

Glad you finally got converted to the Square Pants though, I was about to shove you in the pool, and you know we sink like lead. ( being heavy, hard as stone and all)

Now to find a place to put your ghetto blaster, you really SHOULD keep up with technology.

Mar. 27th, 2008

heart - in coffee


Tell me whens its over

I. Cannot. Beleive. This. Family.

Alice and I came home from our weekend hunting trip. Bagged a few choice kills mind you, and a few choice interactions I will not broadcast across the world like the rest of my family seems so willing to do.

All in all it was a good weekend, so I was feeling rather optimistic, until I walked in and found Emmett and Edward sitting in the lounge room. I don't know which is worse, Edward's seething rage, hatred, or self pity, or Emmett's tranny emotions trying to elate me into watching a child's cartoon that will have my singing like an idiot like him.

I didn't even have time to break another of Edward's stupid keyboard for his stupidity in use of caps before running from the house as fast as I could. Im not saying where I am, and Im not coming home until his Emmett's speal ends.

SpongeBob Squarepants... Sometimes I wonder if Emmett hasn't got a glitch in his brain.

Mar. 23rd, 2008



Cause I just wanna be famous.....

Be so fuckng jaded. Cause all the playboy bunnies take my money from me

OH HAI! I'm Emmett Cullen, you may remember me from such stalker missions as OMG SEXY VAMPIRES GET THEM! And I HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO THAN SIT OUT HERE AND WAIT FOR PEOPLE I DON'T KNOW!

It's funny to me really, the whole family is going crazy over the stalkertazi, I LOVE it, I'll even pose if they ask me, I mean come on guys, no publicity is bad publicity and we got it goin on!!!!

Course I cant go outside in my tutu anymore, it would crush some of my fans hearts.....wich is a bummer cause I love the tutu.

But dude....chicks.......how awesome is that.

Now if only the stalkers would get younger. INTERNET BABES! YOUNG ONES! IM OUT HERE! COME GET ME! FO SHIZZLE!

and now I'll go hide from Rose.


Benjamin Button:  Captin Artist


(no subject)

Sorry about not posting in a while. There has just been so much shopping to do what with the wedding, the pre-wedding parties, I even had to buy a new wardrobe yesterday since we've been having pictures mysteriously pop up all over the internet, and I foresee a LOT more where that came from. At least I know enough to look decent for my photographic internet debut.

I've been keeping the Porsche locked into the garage because I KNOW if I take it out people will be touching it while taking pictures and if they did I'd have several humans to annihilate. Besides Jazz and I have to have SOMEWHERE private to take care of business until I can put some decent curtains in our room.

Bella's planning on seducing Edward in the near future and I had a vision that she was going to go buy some cheap lacy Wal-Mart underwear for the event so I did a little preemptive shopping at Victoria's Secret (it's not high end but it's the best that Port Angeles had to offer on such short notice) for her. She was also planning on lighting some tealights and playing a little Barry White - classic but she could do so much better. So I got her a full seduction kit and left it in the truck...I really hope Charlie doesn't decide to go in there for no reason because I don't think I would have enough notice to run down there and stop him from doing so. Let's hope Bella's got an excuse stored up her sleeve for that occasion.

You may be asking yourself "Why, Alice are you going through so much effort to help Bella seduce Edward?" The answer is simple, it's their first time and they deserve to have only the best even if it is going to last for about ten seconds. That and it makes the visions slightly less awkward for me if I'm not cringing with each cliche view of seduction on top of the already awkward situation and Edward's cheesy lines. Edward's been so tense lately and Emmett and Rose have been at it like rabbits so poor Jasper's been at me every chance he gets to whisk me out of the room. If Edward doesn't get past those tension soon then some very racy pictures of Jasper and I are going to be making their way across the internet like wildfire soon enough.

Speak of the Devil, Jasper's upstairs in the library calling me. Great, sex on a bunch of dusty books. I think I'm going to change into something a little more worn and a little less couture before I go up. Toodles!
SOTL: Quid pro quo


So this is what it's like to be famous...

This whole school thing is getting scary now. People are everywhere. I love attention, don't get me wrong, but there's a time and a place, and at school where I'm trying but failing because I'm just that hot to fit in, is ridiculous! For starters I have to wear awful clothes that are in no way flattering, so as not to draw more attention to myself. Ugh, and this is the time people decided to take pictures of me??


The only good thing about these pictures is that Edward has finally been revealed as a liar. All that time he told you all he had an S60r? LIES.

Edward drives a hatchback, ladies and gentlemen. He's a soccer mom.

In other Cullen/Hale news: Edward is still using keyboards for pleasure...no, really! I didn't get it either. I've been finding keys all over the house for the past week. I think he's trying to tell us something, so far I've collected the letters R I U E and V...

My Emmy bear is still loving women's clothes, but I've decided to embrace it, rather than punish him for it. Even though he does love the punishments. The handcuffs have been confiscated now though. Carlisle said he didn't want Esme to have to go rescue her 'son' in such a position again. Prudes.

It's been a bad week for Jasper. Edward is more and more set on 'losing it' FINALLY! with Bella, but she's being all IDK? all of a sudden, and the confused sexual tension is really getting to the little chihuahua. Alice seems to think it will happen soon, I'm glad I didn't have to get that vision myself.

That's all for this week I think.

- Rose x
heart - in coffee


Out. Of. Hand.

This is getting out of hand, these stalker women are driving me nuts. From hiding in trees, to wanting Eddie's virtue its making my head spin. Yesterday I found myself looking at Eddie wondering if snatching in on his way to the volvo would work... Thankfully I caught myself, these women are crazy.

I can't even have a moment with my wife anymore!

I mean, how in hell did they know?


Icon thanks to xoxgoodbye!

Mar. 20th, 2008

heart - in coffee



Who did it? I want to know who did it! Someone posted a secret about our diaries in that blasted Twilight Secrets comm. And they called us funny?! What is about a cross dresser and a sexually fustrated stubborn idiot or keeps making me break his keyboard, FUNNY?! Im seriously starting to wonder about some humans sanity, not to mention sence of humour..

Oh I pray we wont get bombarded with people, Our cover is blown, we should move! Never know, I might eat one of them >.> Please, oh please can we move?


OOC: In fact we <3 tw_secret, everyone should check it out. Jasper my man is alone on this one.

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